October 18, 2010

Dipshit Pays $35,000 For Drum Lesson From Lars Ulrich

You read that right! In an effort to raise money for the Andre Agassi Foundation for Education, a not for profit that strives to create opportunities for children, someone dished out $35,000 during an auction which had listed the following description:

"Want to be a rock star for a day? This is the experience you never dreamed money could buy. You and your guest are headed to METALLICA's headquarters in San Francisco. Here, in this exclusive space, you will meet the co-founder of one of the greatest rock bands of all time; Lars Ulrich. Lars is the drummer and member of the transcendent, celebrated band known as METALLICA. METALLICA has received nine Grammy awards and had five consecutive albums debut at No. 1 on the Billboard 200. The group is widely recognized as one of the most influential bands of all time, selling over 100 million records worldwide.

"Lars will begin your unbelievable day with a tour of METALLICA headquarters, which includes METALLICA's recording studio, rehearsal space and home of their fan club, website and merchandise department. Once inside the studio, you will have the privilege of receiving a one-hour private drumming lesson from one of the greatest drummers of all time. After Lars shows you a thing or two, you and your guest will join him for a private lunch. Almost too extraordinary to believe!

"American Airlines will provide first-class airfare for you and one guest to complete this rare experience. You will also enjoy a two-night stay at Mandarin Oriental, San Francisco, a luxury hotel offering legendary service and stupendous views of the city's iconic sights.

Now I'm all for education and creating opportunities for children, whatever the fuck that means! I mean seriously, how vague can you get as far as mission statements go when tens of thousands of dollars are in question? However, lets review the matter at hand. Someone paid 35,000 big ones to fly America's worst commercial airline, sit around a hotel room for 2 days while waiting for Lars Ulrich to get his shit together, and visit Metallica's studio we've all seen before (I'm sure it's lovely this time of year), followed by a one hour drum lesson from one of today's most disappointing musicians. It actually IS too extraordinary to believe, the description did not lie.

 Does this person not realize that kind of money can buy you an entire home in some states? Has he been in a coma and not heard anything Lars recorded in the past 22 years? What can this man expect to learn about drumming other than incredible showman ship poses like this, this, and this?

In all fairness I really do respect Metallica, and Lars was an inspiration for me to pick up an instrument in the first place, but there is better things to do with money than waste it on an out of touch rock star. No one, and I mean no one is worth that amount of money to hang with for a couple of hours, even for the sake of a vague shitty charity. I can't wait to see a press release in my box that reads "Man demands $35,000 refund plus punitive damages from Metallica drummer"

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